So I had started this blog originally by just writing whatever I felt like writing. Then it evolved into a blog connected to my new biz, Soulful Work. And that is fine and good. More of my posts recently have been inspirations and musings, directed largely at you! Which is great and I love doing that. Sometimes, though, I need to write more for me, as a catharsis almost, to get out something that needs to get out. Tonight is one of those nights.
I had an interesting experience with that today, in a correspondence with someone in the creative world. I realized that, even though I have started a business, that one of my true passions is in writing. And telling my story is something I haven't quite done yet, as much as I would like. How did I get to this place that I am in now? No really, HOW did I get here?
I originally wanted to be a journalist... way back when I decided to be an English major in college. I had always written in journals (I have about 2 full boxes of old journals), and always enjoyed reading.. So it just made sense. I think I thought, well, what would I do for a CAREER though - be a "writer?" I can't do that! I didn't know many people who did that and made any money from it. Then I went to Senegal, which changed my life. The people there showed me what true kindness, community and selflessness were. And when I came back to the U.S. (not willingly but I had to finish college), I wanted to give back somehow, as a token of gratitude for all these wonderful people in this West African country had done for me. So I set my sights on working in nonprofits with immigrants and/or refugees. And eventually, I did just that in my most recent job. I tried, as much as I could, to make a difference in the lives of others in need. I think I just got tired eventually of doing it in a nonprofit, which morphed into an endless suck of energy out of my soul and into the ether.
My email correspondence today jolted me awake to something I had learned from my former coach but had forgotten about. I thought that my new, forever "purpose" in life was to work in nonprofits, and now that my purpose is to spread the idea of restoring soul in our jobs and lives. But we are complex beings, we humans, and we may have many purposes that ebb and flow and evolve over time. Then I grew interested in metaphysical concepts, in spirituality. That spiritual sense got stronger over time, especially after the birth of my first child, and compounded with the birth of my second. And then, I grew bolder, more courageous. Maybe it was going through pregnancy and childbirth, that my body could somehow grow and then push out a human being, in a process that felt like I was being drawn and quartered from the inside out. A rite of passage of sorts? Maybe. I think probably it was a combination of lots of things - of meeting my husband who makes me a better person (I know, that line is from a movie or something, isn't it) and who is truly my soul partner and guide.
Maybe it was all of these things. The final piece was figuring out my job situation... why couldn't I be happy in any of my jobs? I thought something was wrong with me... why couldn't I just do what I was told and not complain about it? (I finally realized that my personality just wasn't suited for that! As an ISFP (check out 16personalities.com for a cool test), I had the personality of an Adventurer - who would have thought that little old organized, responsible, hardworking me would be an Adventurer)?
How I got to this place. How I got to be coming into who I truly am, not trying to ignore the little whisper that was telling me it was time to do what I wanted, time to step out of my comfort zone, and WRITE. And SHARE an idea, a revelation. And get it out into the world. Hoping that my story can inspire others as well.